GET HYPE, SON!
Woo, buddy am I excited for this one! Anyone who knows me well enough will recognise this as my number one most wanted fight EVER.
Now, keep in mind that just because I know future DEATH BATTLES ahead of time doesn’t mean that this fight will be official. I’m just doing this for fun.
Here to help me with research is g1 ThorGundersen1058. And thank Abraham Lincoln Explosion God, because there’s no way I could get through the utter mindfuck that is Bobobo-bobo-bobo on my own. I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS.
Now, to analyse the skills and combat prowess of these two powerhouses in this epic contest of East vs West! Who will emerge the victor; The All-American enforcer of the law straight from the heart and mind of a young child, or the (possibly LSD-induced) wild card of the Far East?
Only one way to find out…
It’s time for a huge Hajike fight!
(It sounded better in my head…)
In Case you Were Wondering…
While slightly different, we will be using both the comic and the Fox TV series for Axe Cop (a ton of reality warping and time fuckery happens in AC verse anyway, so they could be treated as the same canon, especially since the same writers work on both). For fairness, we will also be using the manga and the anime for Bobobo despite their minor differences, this includes anime filler. Revenge on Rainbow Girl and other side stories written by guests on the Axe Cop website will be treated as non-canon, considering they likely are.
And while these characters do seem like walking No-Limits Fallacies, we will hold them under the same amount of scrutiny as most works of fiction we come across in an attempt to make sense of their more bullshit abilities the best we can. And while these two have been known to have plenty of convenient ass-pull powers they make up on the spot, we will only be going with what we’ve seen them do to avoid overcomplicating the result. The only exception is the written fight, where imma go full ham. It doesn’t effect the result anyway, which is predetermined based on research.
Another thing I would like to address, because it’s likely going to be brought up in the comments, is Bobobo’s “rule-breaking”. Bobobo has the ability to “break the rules” of the media he appears in. I’ll address this more in depth later on, but the point is we will be allowing his teammates because of this (despite there being no outside help rule anyway, technically); specifically Tennosuke (Jelly-Jiggler in the dub), Don Patch, and Dengakuman. For fairness, Axe Cop is allowed to have Wexter, Flute Cop, and Ralph Wrinkles. He’s able to summon them with his whistle, anyway.
We will explain them and their abilities in a later section.
Analysis
Axe Cop
This will be a brief overview of Axe Cop’s power and abilities, or at least the ones that will be most relevant in this fight. For a more in-depth look, check out this blog. Now, keep in mind I wrote that years ago, when I was far less...experienced with this sort of thing (Also the link may be broken due to the SA/RT transfer, sorry about that), but it will give you a good idea of what he can do.
Bio
It all began during a Christmas visit, when 29-year old comic book and cartoon artist Ethan Nicolle was asked by his younger sibling, five-year-old Mallachai Nicolle to play Cops. The two brothers played with a flute and a toy axe, going on a romp through the younger brother’s vivid imagination. Older brother Ethan wrote and illustrated comics telling the world their journey, and thus the adventures of Axe Cop began.
Born as Axey Smartist in 2004 (So Axe Cop likely occurs in the future), Axe Cop in his younger years was accompanied by his brother, Flutey, and his parents, Bobber and Gobber Smartist. One night, a bad guy poisoned their candy cane dinner, killing both of their parents. On that night, Axey vowed to kill every bad guy in the world… and he succeeded. Since then, Axe Cop has become President of the World, the savior of Christmas, a martial arts champion, holder of three World Records, and has encountered many evil threats, ranging from evil aliens, to zombies and robots, to sharks and tigers, and even Satan himself...multiple times.
Oh, there’s also something about an angel voiced by Sam Elliot being his real father who sent him to Earth when his planet was destroyed, but there is footage of AC’s mom giving birth to him, plus it’s just really dumb to have another Superman backstory. So just like Axe Cop, I’m going to ignore it and walk away like it didn’t happen (unless of course we’re going by the uncannily accurate theory that Axe Cop is actually Michael the Archangel).
Strength
-Capable of throwing the sun so hard it orbits around Earth instead of the other way around (see above)
-Punched Bad Santa from Heaven to Earth (In Power of Christmas form, which I’ll get to later)
-Can escape Earth’s gravitational pull by jumping
-Able to throw people into black holes on a regular basis
Destructive Capacity
-Filled a bad guy planet with bombs, completely vaporizing it and everyone on it upon detonation
-Materialized present bombs that caused a planet to explode so violently the shockwave reached Earth and blew a chunk off it (see above)
Proto Dude calculated this to having an output of roughly 10 yottatons of TNT equivalent, as a low end. You can see the full calc here: http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2wq5oy9&s=9#.V5kc5vmAOko
-Has universal weapons such as unicorn horns, which were able to wound Satan while he was tanking punches from God.
-Killed Bad Santa (in Power of Christmas form) who claimed he was capable of killing God
-Killed Hasta Mia, who had “All the power in the universe”. Granted, he used the ship he was flying in to chop her head off, but he did fight other beings hand to hand who are stronger than her, such as Bad Santa, Cauber Helen, and Satan. Even if you consider “All the power in the universe” to be just a bluffing villain statement (which you shouldn’t since it’s an established law that when someone names a planet a name that rhymes after themselves they gain universal power, and Axe Cop himself stated this when he has no reason to lie, and considered this a serious threat when he shrugs off most previous attacks and enemies as fodder), she still busted a few solar systems and nebulae on screen before Axe Cop stopped her.
And even if you don’t buy all that, I give you most solid, legitimate universal feat for Axe Cop to date (In fact it can be seen as two clear cut universal feats):
So these robots named Tu and Bu destroy a universe that is basically the same as Axe Cop’s, only with no evil (though that last bit doesn’t really matter here). Not only does someone significantly weaker than Axey fight these robots (the Chee-rex is really them in disguise) and do quite well, Axe Cop fights them himself and effortlessly deflects a space needle thrown by them, reversing its trajectory and impaling Satan, without the aid of a unicorn horn.
Speed
-Escaped Earth’s atmosphere within seconds
-Has a faster-than-the-human-eye-can-track feat. This may not sound all that impressive at first, yet normal humans and fodder in Axe Cop verse can spot him and Wexter going faster than light.
-Chased aliens while driving the fastest vehicles in the universe. Axe Cop himself has a monster truck capable of interplanetary travel, so considering Axey was dodging buildings and keeping track of the aliens, that means at least FTL reactions.
-Axe Cop, in Power of Christmas form, is able to travel fast enough to reach heaven, which is another dimension in Axe Cop verse that most cannot reach normally. Now, I know this sounds sketchy, but before you call wank, just hear me out. When this happened, he was chasing Bad Santa who was going to heaven to kill God. Axe Cop was chasing him, and Bad Santa was trying to get away on his sleigh. Axe Cop wasn’t equipped with either his portal gun or his unicorn horns, and Bad Santa’s sleigh has never shown any extra-dimensional capabilities. So since we’ve ruled out dimensional fuckery and other such hax, this can only be a speed thing. Unfortunately, this is unquantifiable, but it is comparable to dimension-hopping-via-speed feats other characters in fiction have done, such as Pre-Crisis Superman.
Durability and Endurance
-Was at the epicenter of his Present Bomb attack during the Christmas Special
-No-sold the recoil of punches from a gorilla who could launch himself to distant planets with his fists
-Survived attacks from Satan and Cauber Helen
A bit of context:
So everyone knows about the whole space law thing about naming planets from earlier, right? Well, not only do the Aubbers name multiple planets (though it’s never elaborated whether the power stacks if you name multiple planets) that rhyme with their names, but their power also multiplies when they name other people and objects after them:
Now, there’s no exact number given for the “multiplier”, or if that can be taken literally. However, Axe Cop does fight one of the aliens who named the planets after themselves hand to hand, and survives attacks from their king, Cauber Helen. It is to note, however, that Axe Cop himself didn’t defeat Cauber Helen on his own (though he did fight one of the Aubbers himself who named several planets), and he needed to fuse with his friends in order to endure most of the fight, but Cauber Helen is treated as a serious threat here, moreso than the likes of Bad Santa and Hasta Mia. So Axe Cop should get at least Universal dura here, if not multiversal. But this is all depending on how literally you take the multiplier statement, and whether or not the planet-naming thing stacks. Plus it doesn’t matter anyway, since he scales to the in-your-face universal feat from Tu and Bu.
You can see the full fight here: http://axecop.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/axecop192-3.jpg
-Endured a nine-hour battle, which he eventually won, against martial arts masters from China, with his physical strength alone and without any weapons or special abilities
-Can perform, and I quote, an “Infinite amount of reps of everything” in his workout routine. To avoid overcomplicating things, we’ll just chalk that up to him having infinite stamina.
Weapons
-The Perfect Axe
The Perfect Axe is Axe Cop’s standard weapon of choice. In Axey’s earlier adventures, it seemed to function just as an ordinary Fireman axe, strong and efficient yet still unable to cut through certain things (like Vampire-Man Baby Kid’s neck, though to be fair that character was able to endure being inside the sun), although it seems to have grown stronger over time, likely due to Axe Cop wielding it, in addition to it being enhanced by an angel scientist after it had kept breaking during a day of bad luck.
He can press a button on his axe and 1000 axe blades will spring out from it.
In addition to being a melee weapon, the Perfect Axe can also be used as binoculars, night-vision goggles, a torch, and a guitar. He also carries around a spare, which he can combine with his other one to become a Super Blue Daimond Axe that is more powerful and sends out waves of blue energy that kill evil.
-An axe that turns into any gun
-Golden Axe
One of the weapons hidden in a compartment inside his mustache. This weapon has hax such as being able to decapitate a monster made of sand, somehow killing him despite said monster being able to just shift more particles back in place (like Sandman from Spiderman) upon a swing from the Perfect Axe. So it seems to be able to cut through substances with no solidity or consistency, and can likely kill enemies with regenerative properties.
...Okay, I made that up.
-Golden Chainsaw
Golden Chainsaws are among the most powerful melee weapons in the Axe Cop verse. Sockarang used one to kill the Vampire Man-Baby Kid, and Axe Cop used one to kill Satan.
-Green Banana Gun
This may seem like an impractical weapon, but it was able to kill a ninja who fought a team of child superhumans.
-Sticky Dynamite Gun
Axe Cop uses this as an upgrade to his green banana gun. It shoots out a stream of rapid-fire planet busting dynamite that stick to his opponent. He often uses it in conjunction with his Golden Axe to destroy his enemies’ bodies to prevent them from coming back.
-Unicorn Horn
I've already talked about how unicorn horns have damaged enemies such as Satan, but they are better known for their wish-granting properties.
They have been used to wish for permanent strength and intelligence boosts, transmutation, time travel, BFR, reality warping, dimensional fuckery, dimensional creation, etc.
They have also shown summoning and matter manipulation, such as when Dinosaur Soldier wished for every weapon ever. They are also capable of resurrection and creating two hundred billion children from scratch, as well as creating planets, and have universal range as one was used to wish all aliens to become evil.
A unicorn horn was once used to transmute Abe Lincoln, who had the powers of God at the time. (Though it's possible and most likely he let this happen, since God is top tier in AC-verse and his reality warping should supercede unicorn horns)
-Magic Pencil
A pencil given to Axe Cop by the Wizard Rabbit from the Beach that allows anything he draws to come to life. He used to suck at drawing, but after a lot of practice (and I do mean A LOT…like, literally a million years a lot) he was able to draw a perfect copy of the Earth and everyone and everything inhabiting it.
In the President of the World graphic novel, he gets an upgrade to the magic pencil where he can shoot it out of a gun and have it draw virtually anything automatically.
-Tiger Belt
A belt rewarded to him after becoming the President of Karate. He wears it under his uniform and can use it to fight with like nunchucks.
-Laser Portal Gun
A gun that can transport him or others to any point in time or space
-Mech Suits
Axe Cop possesses two mech suits, one he can shoot out of his head and another he equips by shooting a book out of a book gun (yes, the Dr McNinja crossover is canon, both writers were involved and it’s part of the continuity for both timelines). He also had a giant robot suit called Psydrozon, but it’s arguable whether this is standard equipment.
-Hat
His hat has a freeze ray, heat ray, hypno ray, brain-melt ray, and a grab-and-cut beam, a laser that grabs and cuts people up.
-Lemon Grenade-bombs
After he ate a lemon from Tom’s Fruit Stand, he gained the ability to throw an indefinite amount of Lemon Grenades
-Gun
Though his weapon of choice is usually an axe, Smartist is sometimes seen wielding what appears to be a Colt .45 pistol.
-Blue Diamond Sword
A sword with a billion blades said to be “the most powerful weapon ever”, which means it scales above all other weapons in AC verse. And that’s likely not an exaggeration, since it was able to overpower ALL unicorn horns on a planet including the Planet horn simultaneously, after using it to counter and render multiple unicorn horns that were being used against him inert.
Powers and Abilities
Hax is where Axe Cop really excels, and is what makes him such an insurmountable threat on the battlefield. They’re what allow him to beat most of his potential match-ups where he wouldn’t otherwise with stats alone. Axe Cop has a metric Shit-ton of special abilities, but again, I’ll list only the most relevant ones.
-Reality warping: Axe Cop has pulled things and people out of TVs before, and has even entered them, sometimes into entirely fictional worlds and interacted with and altered them. He can create people and realities via dreaming, and can materialise items into existence.
-Has poison spit that can kill a man instantly
-Steamrolls the fourth wall (can visit his creators and even ask for new powers) and had a relative of the writers, as well as Mallachai and Ethan themselves, attend his wedding.
-Has lobster antennae that can sense danger
-Can play his axe like a guitar, no strings needed, which allegedly insta-kills anyone evil
-Constructs/energy projection: Axe Cop can create police-themed energy constructs ranging from road spike strips to handcuffs to either incapacitate his opponents or keep them from getting away
-Pyrokinesis
-Electrokinesis
-Summoning
-Nigh-immortality: Capable of surviving for “a jillion years”, and over a million years have passed in canon and he hasn’t aged a day.
-Was born with blood that prevents him from becoming evil
-Unicorn horns are capable of allowing transmutation, time travel, universal reality warping, spatial displacement, matter manipulation, stat boosts, practically anything Axe Cop wishes for, within reason.
-Super senses and microscopic vision. Can use this in combat, wielding his axe with microscopic precision.
-Axe Cop has read the Secret Attack Almanac he inherited from his ancestor Book Cop, giving him the ability to summon solar flares that engulf Earth and kill all bad guys, and tidal waves that kill people 1000 times over, or will people or objects to teleport to him. It has also granted him 5000 extra lives.
-Resisted having his soul sucked out by Half-Man-Half-Everything
-If Axe Cop is incapacitated, his ghost will come out to eliminate the threat and help Axe Cop, then return to his body. His ghost acts on its own and has intangibility hax. If killed, however, he has full control of his ghost until he can return to his body.
-Soul Hax: Axe Cop Soul Kick can remove his victim’s soul from their body, and he has weapons that destroy ghosts and souls.
-The Power of Christmas: The Power of Christmas is basically what Super Sonic does to Sonic. It makes him tremendously faster and stronger, and heals his wounds and puts him in top physical condition.
Sidekicks
Wexter is a Tyrannosaurus who has machine guns for arms, can breathe fire, and has a super-duper fast bite. He can travel at speeds massively faster than light, and has literally billions of years of combat experience, since he has been around since prehistoric times. As if that weren’t already awesome enough, he can also transform into a dragon.
Flute Cop, aka Flutey Smartist, is Axe Cop’s brother. Like his sibling, he too wanted to avenge his parents’ death by becoming a policeman, but rather than working the “Always shift” like his bro, he instead fights bad guys during the day and goes home to his family after his work is done. He has destroyed crystals with his flute and can use it as a weapon to decapitate criminals or make their heads explode. He once used his flute to reverse a volcanic eruption, and has transformed into a multitude of different forms thanks to a unicorn horn and other reality-warping circumstances, such as Dinosaur Soldier, Avacado Soldier, Ghost Cop, Ghost Tricera-cops Rex, and even a gorilla with robo-gun fists and a red bow tie.
He wanted to be normal, but Axe Cop wanted him to be better.
Ralph Wrinkles is Axey’s police dog. He can shoot healing lasers out of his eyes and death lasers out of his mouth. He can also speak and fly, and has “karate powers”.
Axe Cop has the ability to fuse with his teammates by joining hands, and can potentially fuse with anyone. This “Ultro Power Fusion” allows him to combine strength, powers and attributes with his fuse-ees.
Bobobo
An accurate representation of Shade’s reaction a mere two chapters into the Bobobo manga
Bio
Legend has it Yoshio Sawai was obsessed with finding aliens, convinced that they would give him the secrets to the universe. He thought he could contact them if he unleashed his brain's true power through the most illegal and hallucinogenic drugs there were. He began stockpiling them.
Then actual aliens noticed his interest and appeared to him in his dreams revealing the actual secrets of the universe. He was determined to write them down, but was too tired because it was middle of the night. But instead of drinking coffee, he used the drugs to stay awake.....all of them.
This is where Bobobo comes from!
Gee… How do I describe Bobobo? Well, it’s certainly… an experience.
And by that I mean it’s non-sensical, stupid, non-sequitor, idiotic, trippy, balls-to-the-wall f*cking crazy, and…
I actually kinda liked it.
Although we recommend only reading it in small quantities at a time and not bingeing it like we did, because after a while you'll feel a burning sensation in your eyes and head, and you'll start to smell something like you left something on the stove for too long. That smell is your brain.
In short, Bobobo-Bo-BoboBo is a master of Hajike Shinken (that’s Fist of the Nose Hair for you non-weebs, and yes, that is parodying Fist of the North Star) who travels the world to take down an evil organization of hair-hunters who unjustly massacre the innocent hair of people the world over. Bobobo teams up with what can only be described as the physical manifestations of manga and anime tropes as well as fellow Hajike fighters based on Japanese snacks who join his cause to fight for hair freedom. Never has there been a more noble cause…
Strength and Destructive Capacity
Damaged Over (superior to Captain Battleship/Gunken) by headbutting him, and then punched a hole in him
Physically destroyed a Star
With telekinesis, pulled Pluto and crashed it into the Earth in just about 3 seconds creating a massive tidal wave
Destroyed the Dream Realm
Speed
Defeated an enemy who was six times the speed of sound
-made a pile of dung the size of Japan and rolled it at sub-relativistic speed
-After Image from DBZ
-Dodged lasers, ran across the solar system in less than a minute
-Once sent Don Patch to a distant planet, Don Patch then flew back to him in less than a minute meaning he was traveling MFTL, Don Patch tried to ram him at this speed but Bobobo dodged casually at the last second.
Durability and Endurance
 |
| I'm not exaggerating when I say this entire mission hinges on how I use this cardboard box... |
Survived and quickly recovered from being impaled
Survived having his guts punched out
Powers and Abilities
Back when I did my Axe Cop blog, a lot of potential opponents came up, but as I mentioned before, most of them were overwhelmed by his numerous hax. Bobobo is the only one who could compete in both the hax department and in stats (besides Pre-Crisis Supes, as well as other matches not nearly as thematic as this one). But are they enough to match or even defeat Axe Cop? Let’s find out…
-Hajike Shinken/Fist of the Nose Hair: Allows him to use his nose hairs like tendril-like appendages, which can whip or grasp items or people. Most conventional weapons have proven ineffective against them. These nose hairs have shown no limit to how far they can stretch as of yet, but we’ve seen them wrap around the state of Texas and travel from Japan to Egypt.
Fist of the Nose Hair also allows him to manipulate the hair of others, somehow incapacitating them.
-Hajikelist: Can perform random mundane tasks that somehow hurt people (Those scans are in the correct order)
-Can turn his nose hair into swords
-Can read people's thoughts by telepathically speaking to their hair
-Immune to transmutation
-Immune to mindfuckery
-Can copy moves
-Control over animals
-Can breath underwater and in space
-Teleportation
-Size manipulation
-Can duplicate himself
-Immunity from status effects
-Elemental control
-Bobobo World: Pulls opponents into another dimension where insanity is law. It is also said that people who don’t release their souls in Bobobo World will die. Rapidly drains foes energy. Endless dimension, will make you go insane. Nullifies the foes’ powers (works on foes who are more powerful than Bobobo). Bobobo can summon any object to himself here.
Hickey of Bobobo: A brand that can be given to anyone who enters Bobobo World that keeps their mind in a constant state of “Free Love Man”, seems to maintain the power nullification.
-Ganeme: An ability that “Raises his reality” above others
In other words…
-Fist of the Tissue box shoe: triples his speed
-Super Mathematics: The ability to f*ck with the concepts of math and physics or string together complex equations to alter the answers of simple problems. For example: Bobobo once calculated that 3+3=8, and he was correct. Can also out-calculate Giga, who is so good at calculation he effectively has Precognition.
-Time Travel: sent a villain back to the invention of the wheel so its inventor could punch him in the face
-Nose hair Sword, twin swords which can be attached together to form a bladed staff, can also be used as a throwing weapon
-Can shrink to the size of an aphid
-Nosehair Armor: Multiplies Durability by 4
-Nosehair Festival: Summons an army of boogers
Nosehair Alley: most powerful Nosehair move, oneshot Captain Battleship
-Metafictional Manipulation
-Alt Dimensional Bobobos: Bobobo upon injury or death can summon a Bobobo from another dimension to fight in his place, the first alternate Bobobo has Pyrokinesis, Telekinesis and can transform into a dragon monster so large and powerful it destroyed a pocket dimension and laid waste to 2,000 hairhunt troops, each of which being more powerful than General Jellyjiggler
-Ate a hairhunt trooper and kept him in his body for 5 years
-Can spot invisible enemies
-Has an attack that causes deafness
-Control over Ghosts
-Summoned Yami Yugi out of his Hair who summoned a dragon which destroyed another dimension. Yes, this actually happened.
-Endured Halekulani’s highend soul hax
-Recreated Halekulani’s dimension in his own image
-Froze the entire ocean
-Can shoot lasers from his eyes
-Super/Shinsetsu Bobobo: A transformation that grants him the power of the 5,634 supermarkets in Japan
Also allows him to create javelins and bo staffs with his nose hair, and open up portals to places in the world, altered in Bobobo’s image
-Creates extremely convincing decoys
-Immune from being erased from existence
-Can turn his nosehair into a dragon
-Can possess people
-can control people's hair
-Immunity from bodily control
-Nosehair folklore; battle of the crab and monkey: a extremely powerful move that turns him and his friends into drinking cups with arms who then joust their foe on flying horses
An accurate representation of Shade and Thor halfway through Bobobo research:
Sidekicks
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| "I'm not letting my dick near any of those things" -Meyjax, 2016 |
Don Patch (he’s the little sun-looking guy up there) is the former leader of the notorious Party Gang, his name is based on the Japanese sound effect of gunfire: “pachi”. He was reformed when he joined Bobobo, and has Hajike abilities of his own that are semi-comparable to Bobobo, but not quite as powerful. He often competes with Bobobo for the role as the main character.
If angered, he becomes Serious Don Patch (aka Professional Patch), who has unleashed power and doesn't f*ck around, a huge turnabout for his character. And if angered beyond that, he becomes God Don Patch, capable of one-shotting a foe who gave End-of-Series Bobobo trouble. If he defeats people in this state, they become members of his gang, transmuted into smaller versions of himself who will serve him. Seriously, you DO NOT want to piss off Don Patch.
Tennosuke (Jelly Jiggler is a dumb name even by Bobobo standards, so I’m going with that) is a living mass of well...tennosuke, also known as tokoroten, which is basically cold jelly. His gelatin body allows him malleability and broken regenerative abilities.
http://images.firstcovers.com/covers/flash/d/dengakuman-1226540.jpg
Dengakuman is, as the name implies, living dengaku, a dish made of grilled tofu with miso seasoning. Anyone else getting hungry...?
Formerly one of the hair-hunt bosses, also reformed.
Bobobo can use his “friends” as projectiles by punching holes into them, as the punched-out pieces hit his target, or by throwing or kicking them at his intended target. He also uses them as meat shields. Extending their usage beyond an abusive relationship, he can fuse with them to gain new forms and unique abilities:
Fusions:
BoboPatch:
-Extremely powerful forcefield (blocks attacks from Tennosuke/Jelly Jiggler)
-Possesses the Don Patch sword
-Time limit of barely over one minute
-Fist of the Nosehair
-Can summon dragons
-More powerful than Bobobo
Bobopatchiggler/Bobopatchnosuke:
-Time limit of barely over one minute
-Can shake the entire planet with casual footsteps
-Extremely powerful sword that brands people leading to casual oneshots of foes who gave Bobobo trouble
-Turned the Earth into a drumstick
-Created the Majide Time Dimension, an exact duplicate of our universe under his control, in this dimension the amount of time the fusion lasts is without limit.
-Is a master of Fist of the Eyelash
Denbo:
-Lasts 6 hours
-Fist of the Nose Hair
-Possesses extremely powerful and durable Nunchucks which she is deadly proficient with
-Martial arts master
-Mic: can turn anything she sings into reality, made a guy more powerful than Bobobo and generates its own dimension, can control people’s bodies, creates attacks out of things which don’t sound like attacks EX: singing “Feel my heartbeat” leads to enemy getting bombarded with heart shaped meteors
-Super Denbo:
-lasts 1 min
-increases stats
-can summon fighting dolls of herself
-Emerald Heart
Patchbobo
-A fusion between Don Patch and Bobobo where Don Patch is dominant. Has the ability to fuse random people and/or objects together.
-Lasts one minute
-Has a Fishcake shoulder pad that is indestructible to everything in the Bobobo universe
-Powerful gun that fires 9 shots at once
-Explosive Garlic Bogla
-Don Patch twin swords, can cleave straight through robots that can tank hits from Fist of the Nosehair
-Sugarcane Sabre: Can cut through anything in the Bobobo verse
-Has better Stats than BoboPatch
Mr. Bojiggler:
-laser gauntlet
-giant sword
-lucky symbol
-Oneshot the second most powerful villain
-complete psychopath
-lasts a minute
-Fist of the nose hair
Summary
Axe Cop
Strength: Star Level (possibly much higher)
Destructive Capacity: Universal+ (possibly higher with weapons and Power of Christmas)
Speed: Massively Faster than Light
Durability: Universal (possibly higher)
Powers: Reality warping, transmutation, BFR (Battlefield Removal), pyrokinesis, electrokinesis, Telekinesis, mind control, dimension hax, time hax, soul hax, hax resistance, nigh-immortality, infinite stamina, regeneration (with Power of Christmas), five thousand extra lives, can fight as a ghost (with intangibility hax) and return his soul to his body, among many others.
Weaknesses
Axe Cop has two notable weaknesses: The first is that he will melt if he becomes surprised. However, Axe Cop has been surprised before in critical story arcs, such as in the Moon Warriors arc when he was surprised by the Vampire-Man-Baby-Kid and didn’t melt, so this one-time thing was likely a throwaway gag. Plus, in the animated series, this was changed to where he would melt if embarrassed, not surprised. But then by the end of the episode, he overcame his internal conflict (ie. He was embarrassed because he was bald, yet he discovered he could shoot a mech suit out of his bald head), so he no longer had anything to be embarrassed about. So this weakness is pretty much moot. I just wanted to go over it because I knew some people would bring it up.
His most significant weakness is Rainbow Cherry flavored candy canes, which can bypass his durability and wound him.
It has also been stated that he is afraid of talking gorillas, however Flute Cop was once turned into a gorilla, and AC was approached by a talking gorilla from Talking Gorilla Planet (where else?) and was completely unphased.
TL;DR his weakness to rainbow-cherry candy canes is the only one that has any merit.
Bobobo
Strength: Star Level (possibly much higher)
Destructive Capacity: Universal+ (with fusions, and possibly higher with his more powerful ones)
Speed: Massively Faster than Light
Durability: Universal (possibly higher)
Powers: Reality warping, transmutation, BFR (Battlefield Removal), pyrokinesis, electrokinesis, Telekinesis, mind control, dimension hax, time hax, hax resistance, nigh-immortality, infinite stamina, regeneration, extra-dimensional copy, self resurrection and possession, among many others.
Weaknesses
Bobobo-Bo Bo-Bobo’s weakness is not known by many most of his perceived weaknesses simply turn out to be misconceptions. There was the time it was thought he doesn’t have many powerful moves and that’s why he acts so distracting, turns out he just doesn’t like showing them off so you can never predict his actions. There was the time he got brainwashed and turned evil, but turns out he was pretending the entire time for the lolz. But Bobobo does have one true weakness, to quote the Narrator: “If you defeat Bobobo, he will be… DEFEATED!”
...Wait...THAT’S MY WEAKNESS TOO!
Now… for the moment you’ve been waiting for…
The Fight
Jocelyn the intern shuffled and organised files that were carelessly strewn about. After running out of cabinets to place the abundance of files and information resources for a multitude of battles, she sighed and carried the files for Joker vs Sweet Tooth to the back storage room.
While there, something caught her eye.In the corner sat a box with red tape over it that read: “RESTRICTED, EYES ONLY”
“What’s this?” she whispered, pulling the tape off and and pulling the contents out of the box.She laid its contents out on top of a small desk. “If I get no overtime bonus, I at least deserve to know what’s in here. Cheap bastards…”
She clicked on the desk lamp and opened a portfolio containing top secret files.“These are the records for Chuck Norris vs Segata Sanshiro… why would they keep this hidden?”
She pulled out a photograph of Chuck and Segata looking up in surprise at some unseen figure, with a large shadow cast over them.
“What could they possibly be afraid of?” she wondered.
She picked up a VHS tape out of the box. No one else was here, she might as well watch it. She fast-walked back into the previous room and inserted the tape into the main computer. It begun how she thought it had ended normally, Segata’s punch collided with Chuck’s universe-busting roundhouse kick, opening up a wormhole which pulled the two into another dimension, with images of previous battles appearing around them. But instead of the battle ending, it continued, with the footage showing the fate of the two combatants.
“So their equipment could pick them up. Why would they cover that up...”
The screen then showed the same one in the photo, followed by a beast-like roar and a green blur flashing across the screen. Then...the impossible.
Suddenly, Norris’s head flew clean off his shoulders, while black tendrils pulled Segata off screen. A cyborg dinosaur landed on the scene, revealing Chuck’s killer: A burly axe-wielding man in a blue police uniform. Another muscular man sporting a large afro appeared on scene to confront him.Jocelyn gasped and placed her hand over her mouth
“Mother of God…”
While there, something caught her eye.In the corner sat a box with red tape over it that read: “RESTRICTED, EYES ONLY”
“What’s this?” she whispered, pulling the tape off and and pulling the contents out of the box.She laid its contents out on top of a small desk. “If I get no overtime bonus, I at least deserve to know what’s in here. Cheap bastards…”
She clicked on the desk lamp and opened a portfolio containing top secret files.“These are the records for Chuck Norris vs Segata Sanshiro… why would they keep this hidden?”
She pulled out a photograph of Chuck and Segata looking up in surprise at some unseen figure, with a large shadow cast over them.
“What could they possibly be afraid of?” she wondered.
She picked up a VHS tape out of the box. No one else was here, she might as well watch it. She fast-walked back into the previous room and inserted the tape into the main computer. It begun how she thought it had ended normally, Segata’s punch collided with Chuck’s universe-busting roundhouse kick, opening up a wormhole which pulled the two into another dimension, with images of previous battles appearing around them. But instead of the battle ending, it continued, with the footage showing the fate of the two combatants.
“So their equipment could pick them up. Why would they cover that up...”
The screen then showed the same one in the photo, followed by a beast-like roar and a green blur flashing across the screen. Then...the impossible.
Suddenly, Norris’s head flew clean off his shoulders, while black tendrils pulled Segata off screen. A cyborg dinosaur landed on the scene, revealing Chuck’s killer: A burly axe-wielding man in a blue police uniform. Another muscular man sporting a large afro appeared on scene to confront him.Jocelyn gasped and placed her hand over her mouth
“Mother of God…”
Meanwhile…
Axe Cop dismounted Wexter, and Bobobo eyed down the officer, then whipped off his hat with his nose hair.
“Bald? I knew it! You’re one of the hair hunters!” he exclaimed.
“Hey! Nobody touches my hat except me!” he said, putting it back on his head. Bobobo’s sunglasses covered his eyes, and the coloration of his belly button wasn’t distinct enough to determine if he was good or evil. I can’t tell if he’s a bad guy or just a crazy guy, Smartist thought to himself, Only one way to find out…
“Hey you, with the afro! Show me your front kick, it’s the only way to tell if you’re not evil,” he commanded.
The afro’d man obliged, but Axey’s keen superhuman senses could tell that his toe was pointing just 0.02 centimeters too high.
“WRONG!”
FIGHT!
Axe Cop appeared behind Bobobo, clocking him in the back of the head with the back of his axe.
Bobobo landed on Earth, and Axe Cop followed suit.
Axey pointed his axe at him and shouted, “Freeze, or I’ll chop your head off!”
Bobobo complied, literally freezing in place.
Axe Cop charged forward and attempted to punch him, but it was just a decoy. The real Bobobo appeared behind him and whipped him with his nose hair, sending the policeman flying through a mountain. Axey looked around to see that he was in the middle of a mountain range, and began knocking all of the mountains in his opponent’s direction with the butt end of his axe, as if driving golf balls.
“Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Nose Hair Alley!” He shouted, as his nose hair whipped and danced around, reducing the mountains to piles of rock. He retracted his left nostril hair, but his right one was caught on something. He looked to see Axe Cop holding it in his fist.
“You have gross powers…” he said, releasing it.
Bobobo unexpectedly turned into a minivan, and drove away shouting, “You’ll never take me alive!”
“Who ever said anything about taking you alive?” he said raising his axe to the sky, which glowed with a golden energy. He swung it forward and shouted, “Axe Cop Spike Strip!”
His axe shot out a ball of golden energy that shaped into a road spike that blew out Bobo-van’s tires, causing him to crash, turning the vehicle on its side.
Axe Cop arrived to the scene of the crash in a blur.
“Rule number one of the road: Axe Cop always has the right of way.”
Bobobo than stepped out of the Van dressed as a soccer mom and started hitting Axe Cop with his purse, while shouting in a high-pitched voice “Despicable! How could you! I’ve never been so insulted in all my life!”
“Do you wanna stop that, it is really annoying” Axe Cop said before suddenly Bobobo connected with a wicked uppercut launching him into orbit shouting “Nooooo!!!!!!”
“Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Dwarf Planet Revenge!” suddenly the entire dwarf planet of Pluto rockets toward the Earth at speeds that Physics can’t allow hitting Axe Cop at the asteroid belt and smashing into Northern Australia.
Bobobo arrives, “Sorry officer, looks like I’m out of your jurisdiction” Pluto then gets chopped clean in two before being launched in two directions to the next galaxy.
“No jurisdiction is too big for me” Axe Cop says as he ominously strolls out of the crater like a Terminator. “One way or the other. Dead, you're coming with me.”
“Don't you mean dead or alive?” Bobobo replied.
“No,” Smartist returned, getting into a stance. He leapt into the air, thrusting both his palms forward.
“This Hajike… is he insane!? He'll destroy half the planet!”
Bobobo arrives, “Sorry officer, looks like I’m out of your jurisdiction” Pluto then gets chopped clean in two before being launched in two directions to the next galaxy.
“No jurisdiction is too big for me” Axe Cop says as he ominously strolls out of the crater like a Terminator. “One way or the other. Dead, you're coming with me.”
“Don't you mean dead or alive?” Bobobo replied.
“No,” Smartist returned, getting into a stance. He leapt into the air, thrusting both his palms forward.
“This Hajike… is he insane!? He'll destroy half the planet!”
“Not if I do it my way, everyone else does it the wrong way,” he explained, as he released a vacuum of air from his hands. It was so tremendous, it unearthed the entire continental shelf.
“This is the Forbidden Move!” he shouted, “I hope you like being squished!”
It flipped over, crushing Bobobo beneath it. The continent then flipped back, and everything settled back in place. All that was left was Bobobo’s afro sticking out of the ground. Axey pulled it out of the ground to find… a carrot.
“What the he-” The carrot grew a face and smacked him with his nose hair, then leapt out of Axe Cop’s hand, reverting back into Bobobo. “It’s a good thing I stopped you from saying that bad word, kids might be reading this!” “What bad word?” Axe Cop asked, now aggravated. “I was going to say ‘what the heck’. I slap people who say bad words.” He reached and slapped the man with the ‘fro across the face with a mean right palm. “That’s for when you stubbed your toe three weeks ago.” “Enough!” he shouted. “It’s time to reveal my secret technique!” Tissue boxes appeared on Bobobo’s feet, who then dashed across the battlefield at blinding speeds. He began blitzing Axe Cop, attacking him from all angles.
“You know, you’re a real Lemon” Bobobo said, “and when Life gives me lemons, I Make Apple Juice!”
“Teleportation Secret Attack!” Axey shouted, teleporting Bobobo three miles away. As his opponent was confused and regaining his bearings, Axe Cop downed an Axe Star.
“This is the Forbidden Move!” he shouted, “I hope you like being squished!”
It flipped over, crushing Bobobo beneath it. The continent then flipped back, and everything settled back in place. All that was left was Bobobo’s afro sticking out of the ground. Axey pulled it out of the ground to find… a carrot.
“What the he-” The carrot grew a face and smacked him with his nose hair, then leapt out of Axe Cop’s hand, reverting back into Bobobo. “It’s a good thing I stopped you from saying that bad word, kids might be reading this!” “What bad word?” Axe Cop asked, now aggravated. “I was going to say ‘what the heck’. I slap people who say bad words.” He reached and slapped the man with the ‘fro across the face with a mean right palm. “That’s for when you stubbed your toe three weeks ago.” “Enough!” he shouted. “It’s time to reveal my secret technique!” Tissue boxes appeared on Bobobo’s feet, who then dashed across the battlefield at blinding speeds. He began blitzing Axe Cop, attacking him from all angles.
“You know, you’re a real Lemon” Bobobo said, “and when Life gives me lemons, I Make Apple Juice!”
“Teleportation Secret Attack!” Axey shouted, teleporting Bobobo three miles away. As his opponent was confused and regaining his bearings, Axe Cop downed an Axe Star.
*Disclaimer: Axe Star Sports Drink is only for Axe Cop. Drinking Axe Star while not being Axe Cop may result in having your head chopped off or exploding. Results may vary.*
Suddenly, a fighter jet flew overhead, and Smartist tossed up a grappling hook. The jet whipped around with Axe Cop in tow and dropped him off above Bobobo’s location. He dove, shooting down like a bullet.
“Really heavy parachute!” he shouted, materializing chains connected to a bunch of heavy stuff, and slammed on top of his opponent.
Hmm, this is isn’t working. Axe Cop thought, I’m going to have to find something even heavier to squish him with.
Axe Cop whistled and yelled, “WEXTEEEEEEEEEER!” mounting his dino and flying to the sun, then threw it directly at Bobobo. He tried punching it back, but Axe Cop laser high-fived the sun with his sun-picking-up gloves. It wizzed right past the nosehair-fighter’s head.
“Ha! You missed!”
“No… I don’t miss,” he answered back, as the sun came back around from behind the Earth and slammed into Bobobo. The sun continued to shoot off into deep space, but the Earth didn't freeze over because Axe Cop didn't want it to.
“No… I don’t miss,” he answered back, as the sun came back around from behind the Earth and slammed into Bobobo. The sun continued to shoot off into deep space, but the Earth didn't freeze over because Axe Cop didn't want it to.
Bobobo then eyed down AC’s dino.
“Hey, you're not allowed to bring pets!”
Axe Cop pointed up.
Bobobo put on his reading glasses. “Ahem..
‘we will be allowing his teammates because of this (despite there being no outside help rule anyway, technically); specifically Tennosuke (Jelly-Jiggler in the dub), Don Patch, and Dengakuman. For fairness, Axe Cop is allowed to have Wexter, Flute Cop, and Ralph Wrinkles.’”
“Alright then, it's party time!” he shouted, flipping open the top of his afro.
“Did someone say party?” an eager Don Patch said, emerging from the golden fro, with Tennosuke and Dengakuman following.
“Now it's time for a huge fight!” Axey yelled.
In return, Axe Cop blew his whistle, summoning Flute Cop and Ralph Wrinkles.
“Here we are…”
Everyone joined beside their teammates and got into a fighting stance.
Wexter roared and let loose a hail of fire and bullets. Flute Cop played a high-pitched tune that made Don Patch’s ears hurt. Ralph Wrinkles engaged Tennosuke with his karate powers. Axe Cop began tossing lemon grenade-bombs, and Bobobo punted Dengakuman at the opposing team. It was total chaos.
Bobobo then lifted the top of his afro and pulled out Beauty.
“What!? I'm not supposed to help out in this fight!” she complained.
“No, I just felt like something was missing, so I brought you here to freak out whenever something weird happens, like you always do.”
“Hey!” Axe Cop shouted, “They just brought in another teammate!” and responded by blowing his whistle and summoning Sockarang.
He approached Beauty and shouted, “I'm gonna whip your head off with my sock arm!”
“KYAAAA!” she screamed, running away.
“Oh, there we go. Now I can focus on the fight!”
He turned to meet Axe Cop’s fist decking him right in the schnoz.
“NOOO!” he shouted, covering his nose in pain,“My nose hair!”
He improvised by lifting his arms and fashioning two swords out of his armpit hair.
Smartist whipped out his spare axe and the two clashed their blades. Each pressed on with attack after attack, only to be blocked or parried by other. Suddenly, Bobobo gained the upper hand, and began swiping and swinging away at the officer without letting up. Axe Cop combined the two axes to create the Super Blue Diamond Axe, blasting him away with its energy.
Bobobo got up and shouted to the others, “Hey, let's use our fusion!”
“Alright! A fusion! That'll beat this guy for sure!” Don Patch exclaimed.
Dengakuman trampled over him. “Not a chance! This is my moment to shine!”
Dengakuman leapt into Bobobo’s mouth and he became enveloped in a white light, transforming into Denbo.
“Magical Girl Denbo-chan is here!”
“You turned into a girl? But girls are on the Dumb List!” Axe Cop exclaimed.
With the ferocity of a Tumblrina who was triggered by the above sentence, she produced nunchucks and stared at the opposing team intensely.
“Alright team, it’s time to use a Secret Attack!” his eyes narrowed, “The Secret Attack that Nobody Knows…”
“It’s so secret,” he continued, “That we can’t let them see, so we have to do it behind that rock over there.”
The five of them hid behind a small asteroid to perform the Secret Attack. Wexter blew fire on himself so he would breathe Super Fire, then breathed it on everyone else. They all became enveloped in white hot flame, then they leapt out from behind the meteor and shouted,
“AXE COP FIRE GANG!”, blasting a wave of Super Fire at Denbo.
She emerged from the smoke unharmed, thanks to the power of her Magic Mic.
Don Patch held up a muscular, shirtless man of ambiguous sexual orientation. “I’m saved thanks to my Magic Mike too!”
“Time to level the playing field,” Axe Cop remarked, high-fiving Dinosaur Soldier, transforming into Dinosaur Axe Soldier.
In retaliation, Tennosuke formed up near Denbo to fuse, but Don Patch swatted him aside to preserve his role as the lead character.
He became Super Patch-bobo, then Dinosaur Axe Soldier used a unicorn horn to transform Wexter into a ghost with triceratops horns and fused with him, becoming Axe Tri-ghostacops Rex.The fusion one-upping continued until both of them were completely fused with their teams (minus Beauty, who watched in awe).
Super Sock Axe Tri-ghostacops Rex Wrinkles fired with a barrage of bullets from his machine gun arm, flaming ghost socks, and death lasers from his mouth. Super Bobopatchnosuke fired his own energy beam, and the two beams clashed with one another.
“Here!” Bobopatchnosuke threw a controller to Beauty. “Spam the buttons as hard as you can!”
“But I’m no good at Budokai!” she shouted.
The beam swelled as it gathered energy in the center, then exploded with devastating force that knocked the two back. Bobopatchnosuke remained intact, but Axe Cop’s team was split up into individual members again.
“Time is almost up, I have to hurry.” the former said. He spread his arms, sucking everyone into another realm, a separate universe to freely manipulate at his whim.
“Welcome to the Majide Time Dimension!” he exclaimed, “In this universe, the duration of my fusion is without limit!”
“In this universe, huh?” Axe Cop said, already having his Laser Portal Gun handy.
“What? No!” he shouted as he was transported back to the dimension they were fighting in.
He produced the legendary Don Patch Sword, and swung down with all his might.
Axe Cop retrieved his Golden Axe from the robot ghosts inside his face and blocked at the last second, the two weapons clashing with each other and sending out a shockwave that cleaved all nearby celestial bodies in half.
Bobopatchnokuke’s time ran out, reverting Bobobo back to his ordinary form (thank God, I was getting tired of typing “Bobopatchnosuke”).
“Hey Axe Cop,” Flute Cop, who had reverted back from his Dinosaur Soldier form asked, “Should we even be fighting these guys? They don’t look like bad guys.”
“It’s too late for that, Flute Cop. Assaulting the President of the World is punishable by death.”
“Wait, I have an idea.” Flute Cop pulled out a unicorn horn and made a wish. “I wish for us to win this battle!”
Bobobo was flabbergasted. “Wait wu-”
KO!
Hero’s Shade: Well, that was anticlimactic.
ThorG1058: Indeed, Shade. It seems the wish hax of Axe Cop’s unicorn horns was too much for the ‘fro fighter to handle.
Hero’s Shade: Bobobo may be able to bend reality, but Axe Cop can lift infinity and eternity, and has used pillars containing traces of golden sand with no defined limit to obliterate raindrops while standing on top of a glass cannon from the Netherrealm that was barely touching the ground. Bobobo is nearly superhuman and the slave of a large radish that threw him at Mach 1.
ThorG1058: Looks like Bobobo couldn’t make the cut, by just a hair. The winner is... Wait, what’s that?
The iron doors used to close a Death Battle match were being pried open from the other side by an unknown force. Suddenly, they were torn open, and Axe Cop and Bobobo leapt through and began beating the shit out of Thor and Shade.
They then paused and looked up, remembering they were supposed to be fighting each other.
Bobobo tossed hair javelins at AC, who cut them all with his axe. He grabbed Tennosuke and riddled Axe Cop by punching out pieces at him.
Axe Cop regained his composure and adjusted his sunglasses, preparing for his next secret technique.
“Axe Cop Soul Kick!” he yelled as an astral projection of himself flew out of his body and kicked out Bobobo’s soul.
“His soul is a piece of bread!” Beauty exclaimed.
“It’s about to become sliced bread,” said the cop, brandishing his axe.
Beauty stepped out in front of him. “You wouldn’t kill a harmless girl, would you?”
“No,” he replied. “I don’t kill little girls.”
He brought down the blunt end of his axe on her head, knocking her out cold.
“I bonk them on the head.”
Don Patch began fuming. “Y-you hurt Beauty!”
He charged at Axe Cop, who escaped by bouncing from planet to planet, with a Serious Don Patch busting each one behind him.
“No one hits Beauty and gets away with it, right Bobobo?” He looked back at Bobobo’s motionless body.
“B-bobobo?” his body then vanished, leaving only his sunglasses.
“You killed Bobobo too! I’ll make you pay for that!” and with that he became God Don Patch.
Axe Cop whipped out his sticky dynamite gun and fired without relent, but it was no use. A mightily pissed off Don Patch then took him out with a single blow.
The rest of Axe Cop’s team rushed to his side, and a dimensional portal opened revealing Bobobo’s duplicate. He transformed into a dragon and laid an egg, then flew up into the air.
“Wexter, transform!” yelled Axey’s teammates in unison.
Wexter became a dragon and flew up to battle the other up in the sky.
“Oh no, Axe Cop is dead!” Flute Cop yelled with dismay.
Suddenly, a blur flew through the Bobobo dragon’s body, and it exploded with a tremendous ka-boom. Axe Cop’s ghost then floated down to meet the others.
“That’s my Die-then-become-a-ghost-so-I-can-fly-through-and-leave-ghost-bombs-inside-people SECRET ATTACK!” he proclaimed, then returned to his own body.
The real Bobobo then popped out of the egg. “Enough! It’s time for my ultimate Fist of the Nose Hair technique! BOBOBO WORLD!”
Axe Cop found himself in Bobobo World, and King Nose Hair popped out of Bobobo’s left nostril to give some exposition.
“Welcome to Bobobo World, where crazy is the norm. Those who do not succumb to the insanity and surrender their souls will die!”
Bobobo and his team then transformed into plastic cups with javelins and began jousting each other. Images of unimaginable insanity and chaos then flashed before Axey’s eyes.
Outside of Bobobo World, a rip in space spat out Axe Cop, who was now drooling.
“Oboy, Axe Cop went insane again. Come one guys, let’s go punch his brain back to normal.” Flute Cop used a unicorn horn to shrink themselves and crawl through his ear to turn him sane.
When they emerged and returned back to normal size they asked, “What now?”
“Now… a Secret Attack.”
He zapped everyone with the Laser Portal Gun, and Bobobo’s team found themselves at some kind of convention, facing a line leading up to a booth where Ethan Nicolle sat. Bobobo turned to see his allies all dressed up in full Axe Cop merchandise.
“I’m gonna get him to sign my copy of Bearmageddon!” Dengakuman squealed.
“You traitors!” “Eh…” he shrugged. “Might as well get one while we’re here.”
Bobobo moved up to the front of the line and asked for an autograph.
“Name please?”
“Bobobo-bobo Bobobo”
“Crazy Afro Man it is.”
He then handed him a letter:
“Dear Crazy Afro Man, you are about to get punched in the face.
Sincerely,
Axe Cop”
“What…”
Ethan then removed his mask to reveal he was really Axe Cop, and clobbered him in the face as promised, sending him through the wall and back out into space.
Axe Cop followed shortly after, and his team regrouped behind him.
Bobobo called upon the power of the 5634 supermarkets in Japan, taking up his ultimate form as Shinsetsu Bobobo.
“Axe Cop…” Flute Cop said somberly, “What if we can’t beat this guy? What about our families? Unibaby needs us!”
“No… Unibaby needs you.” He replied, transporting all of his friends to safety with the Laser Portal Gun.
“The world needs me…”
Axe Cop got into a stance where he began to gather power in a very DBZ-esque manner, and began glowing with golden light. His hair turned white, and he grew a glowing beard and red coat, and his axe was garnered in festive wrapping paper.
“It’s Christmas morning, and my present is your head on a stick.”
“Then come and get it.” Bobobo said, cracking his knuckles.
The two took off and were flying at such extreme speeds that all that could be seen were streaks of light that collided with each other and left explosions.
Axe Cop then broke out of the clash and zipped around, then punched with such tremendous force that the dimension they were fighting in shattered to pieces.
Bobobo was reduced to his previous state and fell into the void. Axe Cop floated down and met him there, also back in base form. He produced a unicorn horn and made a wish.
“I wish for you to be… a bad guy.”
He then held his axe like a guitar and began to play.
The power of his music disintegrated Bobobo, leaving behind his skeleton… which was shaped like a T-rex.
“I almost forgot…” Axe Cop said, pulling out the Blue Diamond Sword for the finishing touch.
“TO CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF!”
Axe Cop swung the mighty blade, eviscerating his entire body until all that was left was his skull, afro still attached.
This head wouldn’t be thrown away in the head trash. No, this one was special. He would take it home and mount it on his wall as a trophy.
...And hide bombs in it.
KO!
(For real this time)
Verdict/Post-fight explanation
Wow, this one was a long time coming. It seems it was just like yesterday that Thor and I relentlessly debated this match on Screwattack all those years ago. Oh, how far we’ve come. It took a lot of effort from both sides to reach what you see here, and we're very proud of it!
And I gotta say, this fight was way closer than I gave it credit for!
Now, with that out of the way, let's get down to business, shall we?
In base forms, they're about even in terms of strength and durability. Axe Cop has a slight lead in destructive capacity (“slight” is giving him the benefit of the doubt, we were hard pressed to find many of the claimed “universal” feats for Bobobo in base), but Bobobo has the edge in speed.
However, Axe Cop can close the speed gap with a unicorn horn (he's used them to wish for Stat boosts before, and one was used to create a dinosaur faster than Wexter) or the Power of Christmas, and Bobobo can match if not exceed him in DC with his fusions (some of them can actually manipulate a universe, so it's legit). But Axe Cop can level the playing field with his own fusions and more powerful weapons.
Seems pretty clear-cut from there, right? Well, it is, until you start bringing their hax into the mix. From there, it gets a bit...messy.
So, instead of boring you with massive walls of text and violating your mind by trying to explain all the weird and complicated shit (Ex. Bobobo may have experience in battling David Lee Roth lookalikes/Sephiroth wannabes who transform into female anthropomorphic torpedoes, but Axe Cop can fight a giant candy monster that poops exploding cars!) Thor gave me the idea to list all of their hax that would be relevant in this fight into a handy dandy chart, showing what ability each character has and what they can use to defend themselves against the other, if at all.
So, instead of boring you with massive walls of text and violating your mind by trying to explain all the weird and complicated shit (Ex. Bobobo may have experience in battling David Lee Roth lookalikes/Sephiroth wannabes who transform into female anthropomorphic torpedoes, but Axe Cop can fight a giant candy monster that poops exploding cars!) Thor gave me the idea to list all of their hax that would be relevant in this fight into a handy dandy chart, showing what ability each character has and what they can use to defend themselves against the other, if at all.
Axe Cop’s Hax
|
Bobobo’s resistance/counter
|
Bobobo’s Hax
|
Axe Cop’s resistance/counter
|
Soul hax
|
Soul hax resistance and ability to survive as an unconscious mind
|
Regeneration
|
Power of Christmas
|
Time hax
|
Cancels Due to also having this
|
Time Hax
|
Also has it
|
Oldifier
|
Can resurrect himself
|
Mind Hax
|
Sunglasses, also has it
|
Poison food
|
Immune to Status effects
|
Transmutation
|
Nigh-immunity, also has it
|
Golden Axe
|
Low-godly regen, can survive decapitation and dismemberment
|
Self duplication
|
Magic pencil
|
Intangibility hax
|
Can Hit Intangible Beings
|
Bobobo World
|
Laser Portal Gun
|
5000 extra lives
|
Dimensional duplicates
|
Power Nullification
|
Unicorn horn
|
Unicorn horn
|
Immune from being Erased from Existence
|
Metafiction Manipulation
|
Also has it
|
Power of Christmas
|
Super/Shinsetsu Bobobo
|
Freezing
|
Also has it
|
Dimensional hax
|
Also has it
|
Self resurrection
|
5000 extra lives, can fight as a ghost
|
BFR
|
Can Travel Through Dimensions and Time
|
BFR
|
Laser Portal gun
|
Transmutation
|
Very High Immunity
|
Possession
|
?
|
Infinite Stamina
|
Also has it
|
Denbo’s Mic
|
Blue Diamond Sword can nullify magic and reality warping on this scale
|
Ultro Power Fusion
|
Has fusion himself
|
As Patch-bobo, can fuse other people and objects together
|
Microscopic precision with his axe, he can unfuze himself by cutting as he still remains intact.
|
Magic Pencil
|
Self-duplication
|
Reality Warping
|
Nigh-immunity,Also has it
|
Freezing
|
Also has it
|
Can control Foes’ Hair
|
Is bald and his body hair is actually composed of ultra-fine sword blades, mustache is only real hair and can cut it off if needed
|
Blue Diamond Sword
|
?
|
Alt Dimension Bobobo
|
Magic pencil, Axe Cop’s ghost
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So, to summarize: As you can see, each of their hax counter and/or resist one another except two: Bobobo’s bodily possession and Axe Cop’s Blue Diamond Sword (Or as I like to call it, the Sword of Michael. Accept my head canon.) Axey has no defense against the former and Bo^3 has no defense against the latter (It nullifies hax and is simply more powerful than anything Bobobo has been up against).
So the only thing left to determine is which is more likely; Bobobo killing Axe Cop via possession, or Axe Cop killing Bobobo with the sword? Well, Bobobo could theoretically take over Axey’s body to piss off Don Patch enough to kill him… which he'd have to do so 5001 times and then kill his ghost. Which isn't completely out of the question, it's just that one, Bobobo isn't exactly known for coming up with plans like that, he just wings it since random is kind of his thing, and two, that would require knowing about Axe Cop’s extra lives and ghost, plus he'd probably just get bored or figure it isn't working somewhere in the hundreds (or far earlier) and try something else. But again, it's a possibility.
Axe Cop on the other hand is known for going for the kill right off the bat. He wants bad guys dead, period. He has no problem with using unfair advantages to overwhelm his enemies. If he has the opportunity to use the sword, he will, and he could easily get his hands on it by wishing for it or taking it from his past self with the portal gun. Plus, Axe Cop just using his strongest weapon is far more likely than Bobobo using a really specific scenario. And if Don Patch does become a problem, there’s always BFR (unlike Bobobo, he can’t escape dimensions). Now, after destroyed by the sword, at this point Bobobo would likely revert to an unconscious state of being (think Starscream’s disembodied consciousness) and send out an alternate dimension version of himself to fight in his place until he can fully recover. Axe Cop could kill the duplicate with the same method, and throw a unicorn horn to destroy his disembodied consciousness (since it can damage those on the astral plane) or just use the sword on him too since it supersedes unicorn horns in power.
Furthermore, Axe Cop also has a much more well-coordinated and organized team. Bobobo’s teammates usually screw around or fight amongst and against each other, sometimes more than they do the enemy. Axe Cop, however, means f*cking business. This may seem like a bit of a stretch, and they aren’t that way all the time, but I wouldn’t bring this up if the fight weren’t this close.
Also, Axe Cop has a motherfucking T-Rex that can breathe fire, has gatling guns for arms, can fly at FTL speeds, and can transform into a dragon. Your argument could not possibly be more invalid.
And just for icing on the cake, Axe Cop’s high level of intelligence and knack for improvising and strategy play a role here as well. I mentioned earlier that in order to destroy Bobobo completely he would have to kill Bobobo, his duplicate, and his unconscious mind, not to mention kill/BFR his teammates too, and one might think that this is quite a specific scenario like the one I mentioned for Bobobo. Well, the difference is… well, I can’t quite do it justice, so here:
So, to make sense of what is happening here (and I use the term “sense” loosely) Axe Cop:
- Figured out that he needed to chop off a zombie’s head, stick it on a plunger, and make it eat other zombie heads until it became a giant zombie head and make it eat the robot suit in order for the villain to come out
- Upon meeting said villain for the first time, he figured out that he needed to destroy his home planet (which he had no prior knowledge of) in order to kill him
- Knew that he needed to do so by going to a super-specific planet to get a super-specific weapon that can only be found on said planet
- The explanation the comic gives for him coming up with that elaborate, crazy-specific scenario and knowing it was the only way to defeat the villain is because Axe Cop is “super smart”.
That being said, I am by no means saying he can defeat every villain ever by discovering their weaknesses or whatever (he’d still git rekt if he tried that in say, Shin Megami Tensei verse), just that finding out how to kill Bobobo is small potatoes compared to this insane bullshit. Plus, Axe Cop’s infinite stamina and 5000 extra lives give him more staying power in this fight, allowing him ample time to come up with a way to defeat Bobobo permanently. A way that pretty much just involves using his best weapon. Not much of a head-scratcher.
But come on, we all know the real reason we had Axe Cop win. It's because we're a couple of filthy gaijin who have a boner for American comics and hate anime and Manga. That's why we're so excited for this match-up, and why we read hundreds of pages of Manga and watched roughly 152 hours of anime for this match alone (Thor even paid actual money for the sake of complete research), because we hate it so much. Such a lust for bias.
Common Misconceptions/ Wank and Downplay
“Bobobo can win any fight because he can break the rules and has fourth wall manipulation”
Sort of true, within the context of his own series. However, he has only really used this for harmless (most of the time) gags rather than in combat, otherwise he would have resorted to this ability when facing some of his tougher opponents. Not to mention he’s been defeated before in his own series despite this ability. And as we established before, Axe Cop does that shit too:
“Bobobo will just surprise him and he will melt, or use a rainbow cherry candy cane”
Already addressed the first part in the Weaknesses section. Axey can also recover from any wound caused by the candy cane with the Power of Christmas.
“Axe Cop was created by a five-year-old who doesn’t understand physics or VS debates”
Most fictional writers don’t intend for their works to be used for debates like this. Also, it’s fiction. It doesn’t have to follow reality, it can be all magic if they want it to be. And you are aware that five year olds are capable of growing up? Mallachai is almost fourteen now, and still keeps the same writing style he had since the beginning.
But, if you really want to go down that road, Bobobo is a gag Manga that doesn’t follow logic in general. A lot of his feats are based on jokes or plays on words, so they aren’t meant to be taken seriously.
But as we said before, we’re not analyzing them this way, and that was only said to prove a point, both opponents are still crazy powerful.
“Bobobo can snap his fingers and destroy the universe/multiverse”
Thor and I have seen every episode of the anime, read every page of the manga, and watched LPs of the video games and have never come across this. It just seems to be one of those things that somehow everyone knows about but never actually happened and nobody has the source, like the claim that One Punch Man’s author said he can universe bust (this is never something he actually said, it was a joke that started on Reddit iirc).
“Bobobo flipped a board of endless mass, so he has infinite strength”
No, the game ON the board is endless, because there is no goal (think like a game of tag). In fact, we see the board being flipped in comparison to Bo’s size, which is about the size of a small building.
“Bobobo World too OP, plz nerf”
Axe Cop has ways of recovering from insanity, and some characters have survived Bobobo World virtually unharmed. But it doesn’t really matter, since Axe Cop can easily escape with the Laser Portal Gun. The power nullification also only seems to work on one power at a time, such as when it was used on Torpedo Girl, causing her to lose her flight, but she still retained all of her other abilities.
“God and the Devil are always getting impaled by random objects. They must be really weak if anyone can kill them”
Actually, nobody ever harmed God in the show or the comic. It was only Satan who was a threat to him when he absorbed enough evil from Earth. Sure, he was going to use the Washington Monument to kill him, but he refers to it as his “ultimate weapon” so he likely constructed it with the intention of killing God (remember that certain places and objects in this fictional world may not be the same as ours). And the scaling doesn't come from this instance, it comes from him fighting and surviving attacks from God, plus him and God being superior to the two universal robots.
The only other person who threatened to kill God was Bad Santa, and it was rather clear that he was psychotic. And if you do take the statement seriously, it makes him stronger, not God weaker.
Satan was impaled by something well established to have powerful capabilities, and the only other time he was impaled it was by the Seattle Space Needle, which you have to consider was knocked down at him by Axe Cop. How does it not just get destroyed against Satan’s skin? Well, again, this is Axe Cop, the guy who can flip half a country and only kill one person, cause the sun to orbit the Earth and will it not to kill anyone, and destroy a planet with a single stick of dynamite. Axe Cop doesn’t follow the laws of physics, the laws of physics follow Axe Cop. And it's fiction, if a writer wants their version of the Seattle Space Needle to be strong and durable enough to wound the Devil, then it can be. So again, it doesn't make Satan weak, it makes it another feat for Axe Cop.
“Lel Saitama one-shots them both”
No. No he doesn't. Just STFU.
So in conclusion...
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| Kudos to G1 Grand Blazer for the custom DB "winner" end slate |
The Winner is Axe Cop
I hope you enjoyed that, dear readers, and that you’ll enjoy my next fight!
Tell me… do you bleed? You will… In the meantime, Thor and I will tend to our wounds. See ya next time. G1 Master Race!
Tell me… do you bleed? You will… In the meantime, Thor and I will tend to our wounds. See ya next time. G1 Master Race!
